FROM THE INSIDE

Its been awhile...I really miss posting some new entries..the truth is I have zillion stuffs to share..and almost all about my Donut..I just realized that,.he doesn't really take care of me.Donut..why must you treat me like a shit while you already know that I don't deserveto be treated like that.You..never be my side when I really need you..you keep made me blind with your words..keep telling me lies..a promise that end up with a tears.I hate it so much..but still..I don't get it..why must I still be with you..be with a guy that would not be able to keep his words.

VACATION

I finally reached the Terengganu bus stop.And now..we have to wait for another few hours for the ferry..Man..its sucks..!!I hate waiting.Waiting driving me made.God..I wonder is there anything that I can do except waiting??..as far as I concern and as far as I realized that..my life is full of the word..'waiting',,its endless..why?..why is it must be that way..

I am going to have a vacation with the people that I know nothing much except my own guy.There are four of us..two guys and two girls..err..including me of course.I am not sure whether I am going to have fun or not.Its a breaking the ice vacation to be exact...thats the name and the theme for the vacation if someone to be happen asking me about the vacation.Occcay..fair enough..fair enough.It doesnt matter..I can have fun by my own.There is no need to wait for the rest to arrange everything and to plan my activities.Yeww...never listed in my private and personal itinerary.I would never wanted to have someone to control my 'fun' side.Well...since I got that word blurted out from my mind...It looks like I have to prove that I can just smile widely for the whole day..

Lets checking on the list..Hot list I mean on what I should do during the first stay..

1. Get comfortable with my own skin...it means that try to get comfortable during the stay..and it carries the word..self-confidence..acting cool like there is always the good things..

2. Its clothing and the style feeder...errr..the truth is..going for a vacation is not in my list for this month.Because I aim for a washed out jeans that i haven't get yet...Occay..back to the style feeder.I think I just need to mix and match..I need to do it a lot..and a lot this time..luckily I have my striped flip flop..

3. Man!..looking for a hot man during a vacation..err..it sounds cool actually...but I am not going to do that this time.owhh..come on..my man is going to be by my side all the time.I swear I would lick my lips to the hot guys once my man start his move..flirting I mean..

4. Looking hot all the time..easy!!stand straight..sexy bod..have my lip gloss on..and yeay!!I am ready to go..I am not believe in a make over during a vacation..Thick make-up under the sun..during a vacation..walking on the beach??..yeww...Girls...go minimalis!!Go for the natural..and stay confident as i mention earlier..but never ever forget to have a good spf lather on your body...

Well..I have these four tips to live my not-so-friendly vacation..wish me luck people..the fact is ..I really love the vacation but going with the not-so-familiar people makes me breathless...

THE KILL

A hard day to go through again..I wonder what is really happening to my relationship.And I really need someone to talk to right now..not to give their precious opinion..I just need someone to listen.I hate it so much when I have to live like I have no one..a guy I mean not the family members..they are another story.I am not a girl who desires the perfection in life.No..thats not me.But,.I do need someone to be honest to me.Someone that could understand me.

To the girls out there..I really believe that you guys would agree with what I want to say..Life is just like hell when our own guy keep avoiding,.neglecting us.He said that he is busy with the family issues that would never end..but is he really telling the truth.I have a doubt..I wonder,.if you have to be in the 'family gathering/dinner/..etc'..is it a big crime if you text me?..and,.if it really is..who said that?.4 hours being in the crowd..for dinner..owh come on..its not a business conference baby..Yea..you told me before you are not allowed to text or on the phone while having your meal..but you are taking these things too seriously.And after dinner...still you fail to text me..thats too much.Again..you gave me the reason to escape..saying that.'I was in the bathroom..brushing my teeth..and I am about to call you'..Bullshit..I know that you were not going to call me if I wasn't.

And..how would you girls feel when your own guy asking you about the 'gang bang' thing..the 'threesome' thing..??..Its really hurt huhh..I never thought that my own guy could asked me that kind of question.He doesn't respect me at all.What did he thinks he is?..And after saying all these thing..hed just said..'sorry'..!What the hell...do you think that,..'sorry' would erase everything that you've said.?.and you keep telling me that you were just joking.But..the truth is you really mean it right..FYI..I am not that type of girl who just want to have fun..and big FYI..I love the word 'commitment'.If you are looking for a girl to be fun with..then I should let you go.I don't need that kind of guy.I need someone who knows how to appreciate me.It is obviously that,.I am wasting my time with a guy who refuse to respect me.Well..the fact is I don't expect you to treat me like a princess..seriously,.I don't know what is going on between us.

I HATE THIS GUY

I have this entry posted just to ease my mind...trying so hard to clear all the mess.Its almost 4pm..cloudy day..and its not a fun happy day to go through.Let me start the line with what had happened a year ago.I met a chinese guy,.average looking guy..introduced by one of my senior.It was February..and it doesnt took years for us to be 'together'.I am dating that guy..until now.Things went pretty well and we were so in love..and now..its been more than a year that we have been together.And I wonder if the '1 year and 3 months' takes us up a bit higher.To my surprise..its not!Thing doesn't work as what we have planned before.I find its hard to believe your word.I really hate to say that..'the guy that I knew for a year and officially my own guy had lost his interest on me'..he is not into me anymore..no wonder that he always shows the worry.I should have known...

LEVIS REUSED JEANS AND THE TURMOIL

I just won myself a pair of Levis Reused Jeans shoes.As far as I know about the shoes is,.it comes with a unique design for eacch pair of it.So,.thats mean there could be no second shoes with the same design.Sounds good huhh..Though I am not a big fan of Levis,.but still I feel damn lucky for being chosen as a winner.Well..everybody knows that its not easy to get something for free..even freebies has its own limited number to be given away.

And..tomorrow..I am planning to get a washed out jeans frrom MNG..it worths RM169.I already had the price on my head.Its super skinny too.Man..I can't wait to have it on.

Another thing that I really want to tell here..about me and Donut.I miss him so much..but it seems like there is a boundry between us.Its really hard to see him lately.It might sounds really oddd..because we have been seeing each other via skype only for a few months since last February. Its because no choice left other than that.But now..we actually still can meet up,.but its too hard.I am totally lost hope of our relationship..

I HAVE A 'FROM HELL' DATE

I went out with my Donut today..my first date with him since 6 months ago.Surprisingly,.I can't feel the excitement as I felt previously.I stepped in to his car with a mixed up feeling.I can't even gave him a smile.I was damn too carried away with the anxiety.First day meet up huhh...turn to a sour boy and girl dating day...what a day.It was only a few minutes that I can feel the sparks..the rest..??No need to mention..it was sour..sad,.and stressful..I don't know why..maybe its good to not seeing each other during his semester break.For the sake of you and me..I just don't want a fight..no more pressure in a relationship..no more stress..please.Thank God..I am going for the train and place program this coming Sunday.That way I can stay out-of-touch with him..there is no use of seeing each other if we don't really enjoy the moment..I hate it so much!!I know its not your fault..but I just can't accept it.We are going out together..try to have fun..but I can see that you were not really enjoy it..you were thinking of something else..worry all the time.Yes..I can see that.I can't forget how you react when received a text from your sister..I felt so guilty.I seriously think that,.we shouldn't going out anymore..Awhile may be.It hurts me so much..today officially a day where I feel like its not really a date.No warm hugs..and wet kisses..what I got today just..a few seconds hug..and quick cold kiss...yes..you did trying to give me perfect kiss..but it was really a cold..in-affection kiss..

I HATE THE LISTS

Woww..its been more than 3 weeks that I post nothing.There are so many things,.stories I would like to share.About my happiness,.sadness,.undescribed feelings..anything!!Its not that I forget about the blogging rules,.but I just never have a chance to do so.,and its nothing related to a 'TIME'.I am having 24-7 free time in Miri.I am still unemployed,.and still searching for job..hardly!!I just stay at home,.spending time with my niece and my naughty nephew..God!.He is a monkey.I don't think I can handle him by my own.Apart from that,.I just waiting for my Donut to text me every morning.,wondering what time he will call to wish me a good night.

Miri currently is not a good place to stay..we are battling with the H1N1,.the haze,.and the hot weather.My skin is so dry..and I can spot the blemishes around my face.The pimples,.uneven skin tone,.and it is so..rough!I have no idea of what I should do on it..put on a moisturizing mask??..Yes..I've done that..and it is part of my skin regime.Put on a mask twice a week..Drink 2L water a day..Listed!!..Eat more fruits and veggies..??It is a must for us..eh..??what did i missed huhh..clean it well before going to bed??..Occay..no excuse.we have to do the 'cleaning' before off to bed.Oh-Mi-God....I hate it so much,...